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Carol J. Michel

Award winner author of gardening humor books

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hortense hoelove

Hortense Hoelove Returns to Answer a Question

May 17, 2018 By Carol Michel 6 Comments

Dear Hortense Hoelove,     I know it's been a while since you published your advice column. I don't know if you stopped because of a lack of questions or if you decided you didn't want to answer questions anymore.    Regardless, I have a most interesting question/situation that I think you will find irresistible, that will make you come out of your retirement to answer, that will simply change your perception about what is possible in a garden.    The other day … [Read more...] about Hortense Hoelove Returns to Answer a Question

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: hortense hoelove, humor

When is it acceptable to plant in a straight line?

April 12, 2013 By Carol Michel 11 Comments

Peas in a veg. garden Dear Hortense Hoelove, I've been debating about when it is acceptable to plant in a straight line.  Mostly I've been debating with myself so I thought I'd get another opinion. I could think of no one I'd rather have the opinion of than you, Hortense Hoelove, my favorite garden advice columnist. Sincerely, Carol Dear Carol, I'm so glad you asked about planting in straight lines.  Let us first address planting in vegetable gardens. I think most gardeners will … [Read more...] about When is it acceptable to plant in a straight line?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: hortense hoelove, humor

Dear Hortense answers a question about bulbils

September 14, 2012 By Carol Michel 9 Comments

Dear Hortense Hoelove, What is wrong with my lily plant?  It has these brownish-black "things" growing in the leaf axils. Is it a disease? Is it large insect frass? What should I do? What spray should I get? Signed, Lily Nervousgardener Dear Ms. Nervousgardener, If you reach for a spray, which I assume is your word for "pesticide", I shall never answer your gardening questions ever again. Really, why do you think that a spray of some kind is the answer to every single gardening … [Read more...] about Dear Hortense answers a question about bulbils

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: bulbs, hortense hoelove

Gardener’s Guide to Drought Recovery: Intro

July 26, 2012 By Carol Michel 5 Comments

Dear Hortense, Right now at 10:00 pm on the 25th day of July with an actual temperature of 91F and a "feels like" temperature of 96F, I declare that we have reached the dregs of this drought and it cannot get any worse. The ground is littered with what I like to call "drought droppings", mostly dried up leaves and flower petals that just could not hang on any longer and fell to the ground, no doubt stirring up some drought dust as they each silently hit the dirt. I hope no garden fairies … [Read more...] about Gardener’s Guide to Drought Recovery: Intro

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: drought recovery, hortense hoelove

Dear Hortense Hoelove Answers “Enough Flowers?”

January 13, 2012 By Carol Michel 17 Comments

"Dear Ms. Hoelove, Something has been nagging at me for some time now, and I hope that you can help me. A year ago I decided to dig up another area of the back lawn to create a new flowerbed. Usually I don't consult with my husband before doing such things, but I thought it would be courteous of me to mention it to him since he is the head of lawn mowing here. To my surprise, he wasn't very thrilled with the idea and told me, "You have enough flowers." "Enough flowers"?? I've never heard … [Read more...] about Dear Hortense Hoelove Answers “Enough Flowers?”

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: hortense hoelove, humor

Hortense Hoelove Ponders Gardening and Answers Questions

October 7, 2011 By Carol Michel 8 Comments

"Golden leaves carpet the ground beneath the honey locust, each one a memory of summer." Dear Hortense Hoelove, What is it about fall that makes us become reflective and sedentary? Signed, Goldie Dear Goldie, Speak for yourself. I've got four bulb orders on their way and an entire garden to weed and clean up for fall. I also need to clean up the garage and make sure that all of the hoes are safely stored for the winter. Plus, I need to entice the garden fairies into the sun room, plant … [Read more...] about Hortense Hoelove Ponders Gardening and Answers Questions

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: hortense hoelove, humor

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