There are non-gardeners out there! I’ve seen them. I’ve talked to them!
Some of them are convinced that just by looking at a plant —not even touching it—they’ll kill it. So they avoid gardening for the sake of the plants.
Others just don’t know where to start with gardening, so they remain non-gardeners. It’s easier for them that way and less embarrassing to admit how little they know about plants if they have convinced themselves that they are non-gardeners. If they end up with a house with a yard, they can claim they don’t garden and hire someone else to do the “yard work.”
And then there are those who just aren’t interested in gardening.
I don’t understand those people, nor do they understand me.
But when one is around non-gardeners, I have some advice on how to introduce them to gardening.
Be kind.
They may secretly want to garden but no one showed them how to garden. Don’t make fun of that or express surprise at how little they know about seeds and plants.
Don’t argue with them.
It does no good to try to convince someone that they would like gardening if they “just tried.” Or that the black thumb is a myth. If it is real to them, you telling them it isn’t real doesn’t make their concept of the black thumb disappear.
Offer to help.
If you see a little glimmer of green in their eyes that suggests they might like to try gardening, help them out with a few suggestions on some easy-to-grow plants that they might have success growing. Maybe even go shopping with them and help them buy the plants, pots, and soil. Then show them what to do and encourage them to get their hands dirty by doing the actual work of planting.
Go slow.
When a non-gardener says they might like to try “a bit of gardening,” don’t roll out a complete landscape plan that in your mind seems rather simple but to them looks like you are trying to plant the gardens of Versailles. One container with three plants—perhaps a classic thriller, filler, spiller combo—may be enough.
Don’t talk about weeding.
If your non-gardener is digging into the world of gardening outside, don’t tell them about weeding, per se. Weeding sounds like a lot of work! Weeding suggests that they need to know what’s a weed and what’s a good plant. Maybe just suggest they remove unwanted plants before planting. And while you aren’t talking about weeding, don’t talk about bugs, plant diseases, sweating, bee stings, snakes, grass stains, sore backs, or deer eating anything.
Be kind.
And it bears repeating. Be kind to the non-gardener. If they’ve expressed an interest in gardening, however late in life, be ready with a tiny bit of advice, a pat on the back, a few words of encouragement. Be kind.
Excellent advice. My mum is a serious gardener and my disinterest in gardens has been a disappointment to her most of my life … but it seems all I really needed was a space of my own and a bit of spare money:-) It’s like a light clicked on and the joy of watching things grow became my new passion.
We had some dinner guests recently who I didn’t know well, but upon hearing they owned their own home, I asked them if they would like some snowdrops. “What are they?” my guests replied. I was gobsmacked. Also a little bit ashamed that I had just *assumed* they would know what snowdrops were, that I didn’t do a little more exploratory conversation to figure out where they were on the gardening spectrum. Yes, there was an awkward silence. And then my guests explained that they always kill plants, even sedums, yada yada and besides they are planning to move soon. So, yes, good advice. I *was* trying to be kind (no one should go through life deprived of snowdrops) but I had forgotten there is a parallel universe out there where the sentient beings are afflicted with plant blindness.
And I would add: Don’t give them plants that tend to take over. If you must give, give responsibly.
Exactly right, Kathy!
I like this post very much. It’s all true. I’m experiencing this with my husband as we get old, and he is taking over much of the gardening. The weeding part made me laugh a bit.