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Carol J. Michel

Award winner author of gardening humor books

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May Dreams Gardens

I really must stay clean today

May 18, 2013 By Carol Michel 13 Comments

I really must stay clean today because I am going to my niece’s wedding and it just won’t do to be other than clean.

This means that I must stay out of the garden.

Even though I think the containers and plants waiting for new homes on the front porch could use a splash of water, I’m afraid to water them.

I know if I get out the watering can, fill it up, carry it to the plants, and then water them, somewhere between filling and emptying the watering can, I might splash water on myself.

Or I might realize too late that the watering can had dirt on the side of it  and that dirt has inexplicably transferred itself to my pants.

I dare not go outside because I might see a weed and reach down to pull it out. Just one weed, how could I get dirty pulling it?  Oh, let me count the ways. I could pull up the weed and in the process bring up a bunch of dirt that then splatters on me.

Or if that doesn’t happen, I might get dirt on my hands when pulling the weed and without thinking, wipe my hands on my pants. Oops,  I’m well on my way to perfecting my “eccentric aunt who gardens” look.

Or I could forget that I pulled the weed and then at some awkward moment at the wedding, look down at my hands and discover that I have fresh dirt under my fingernails.

I could run out to the garden for just a minute and end up ten minutes later with a trowel in my hand for who knows what planting emergency and then see above about hands and pants and add swipes of dirt to my arms.

Or I could see something under a big shrub to tend to like a weed and find myself carefully crouching down to reach it, trying hard not to actually kneel on my knees, but then kneeling anyway and when I get up, besides now having dirty knees, I have little bits of fading flowers and twigs in my hair.

Later, someone at the wedding will point out that I have something in my hair. When I reach up with my now dirty hand to get it out,  I might accidentally side swipe my face with my hand that has dirt on it and end up with a big smudge on my face.

On and on it goes. There are so many scenarios I could list that involve the garden and my difficulty with staying clean.

I really must just sit and wait quietly for the wedding, and then tomorrow, I can return to my usual gardening self. Thank goodness it is also raining, so sitting quietly and staying out of the garden on a Saturday in May is just a little bit easier.

Though, if I use an umbrella, maybe I could sneak out to the vegetable garden to pull a radish or two for lunch and somehow miraculously stay clean?

I really must stay out of the garden…

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: gardening, humor

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sallysmom says

    May 18, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    Ha, ha! Just like me!

    Reply
  2. Rock rose says

    May 18, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    I am having trouble staying out of the garden today too. Because it is 95° and the humidity is through the roof.
    Hope the rain stopped and you had a lovely day.

    Reply
  3. Dig, Grow, Compost, Blog says

    May 18, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    Haha, that has happened to me on my way out the door to work!

    Reply
  4. Lisa at Greenbow says

    May 18, 2013 at 11:37 pm

    This gave me a good giggle. I have been there and done that.

    Reply
  5. Layanee says

    May 18, 2013 at 11:37 pm

    I think you had better just read one of those garden books. You do have a gardening book don't you? LOL

    Reply
  6. Kathy says

    May 19, 2013 at 1:31 am

    This is also a problem in the kitchen. I have learned never to step in the kitchen with good clothes on unless I have an apron on first.

    Reply
  7. Tiffany says

    May 19, 2013 at 1:57 am

    I am the worst at showing up places with dirt under my nails even though I clean them several times a day. I try to be proper, I really do – in public.

    Reply
  8. Covegirl says

    May 19, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    I have a problem with dirt under my fingernails, too. LOL!

    Reply
  9. Deanne Fortnam says

    May 19, 2013 at 11:12 pm

    Hahahahahahahaha… we are all alike. I live with dirt under my fingernails this time of the year.

    Reply
  10. Cerberus German shepherds says

    May 20, 2013 at 3:04 am

    Glad it's just not me with thorns in the fingers, dirt under the nails…and the worst tennis shoes you ever saw..

    Reply
  11. Cerberus German shepherds says

    May 20, 2013 at 3:04 am

    Glad it's just not me with thorns in the fingers, dirt under the nails…and the worst tennis shoes you ever saw..

    Reply
  12. Donna says

    May 23, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Hope you enjoyed the wedding…I have to stay out of the garden when I am dressed for work as dirt just finds me.

    Reply
  13. LostRoses says

    May 26, 2013 at 4:40 am

    Ha ha, Carol – so true! I've learned to go out in the garden in my pajamas BEFORE I get dressed for work. Much safer that way.

    Reply

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