• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary navigation
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Carol J. Michel

Award winner author of gardening humor books

  • About
    • Contact
  • Blog
  • Books
    • Shop
    • Gardening Humor
    • Children’s Books
    • New – The Halloween Hare
  • Social
    • YouTube
    • Instagram
  • The Gardenangelists Podcast
  • Gardening Humor
  • Children’s
  • All Books

May Dreams Gardens

Squirrel, Who Are You

November 27, 2011 By Carol Michel 16 Comments

I thought at first it was a lost fake fur stole.

The villain has arrived.

She easily climbed up the shepherd’s crook and draped herself upside down on the feeder to reach the bird seed. She began to gorge herself, for who knows how long, until I opened the door and hollered at her.

Then with one jump she was on the ground and sat there looking at me, no doubt waiting for me to leave.

I whistled a stern warning, she fled.

Then I wrote a poem about her, titled “Squirrel, Who Are You”.

Squirrel, who are you?
Why do you eat the bird’s food?
What will be left for them when you are done?

Squirrel, who are you?
Who taught you to climb up the pole to the feeder?
Where do you hide when I holler at you?

Squirrel, who are you?
How do you explain yourself to the birds?
When will you leave my garden?

Squirrel, who are you?

Then I found a poem the squirrel left for me, titled “Carol, Who Are You”.

Carol, who are you?
Why do you feed the birds?
What will you do when I am done eating?

Carol, who are you?
Who taught you that squirrels shouldn’t eat from bird feeders?
Where do you go after you holler at me?

Carol, who are you?
How do you explain your dislike of me?
When will you catch on that I am here to stay, especially as long as you feed me?

Carol, who are you?

I am not dealing with any ordinary squirrel here.

Let the sparring begin, with some ground rules.

Dear Squirrel,

Please make note of and follow these rules.

No digging up bulbs. This is an absolute must-follow rule.
No planting of black walnuts. (You think I didn’t know it was you who planted those black walnuts in the vegetable garden that sprouted into little seedling black walnut trees last year?)
No digging in containers.
No friends or parties.
No getting on the roof or in the gutters.
No babies, no squirrel piercings of any kind, no squirrel tattoos.
Leave the birds and rabbits alone, and only eat your share from the bird feeder.

Signed,
The Management of May Dreams Gardens

(Note from the garden fairies — Dear readers, we are garden fairies and we are keeping a close watch on this situation, as we think that it could get vol-a-tile if we do not keep a close watch. We also wrote a poem… but want it to be in its own post and not part of this one. There is far too much poetry in this post already for our taste. We are garden fairies.)

The Squirrel

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: humor

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Fairegarden says

    November 27, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    Those squirrels are devils, even if they write poetry! That said, I believe you are being too harsh about the tatts and piercings.

    Fernleaf Gravelgardner

    Reply
  2. Lea's Menagerie says

    November 27, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Squirrel, who are you?
    An acrobat, that's who!

    Her cousins are in my bird feeders!

    Reply
  3. floweringmama says

    November 28, 2011 at 1:17 am

    Oh my goodness! Great post today. I've learned that If I slide the hook through a metal slinky, the squirrels can't get to the seed.

    Reply
  4. growingagardenindavis says

    November 28, 2011 at 1:53 am

    I found it eerie that the squirrel wrote such a similar poem. Almost like it can read your mind. I'd be careful.

    Reply
  5. Wyatt says

    November 28, 2011 at 3:38 am

    Good luck with that…haha. Those squirrels have attitude!

    Wyatt and Stanzie

    Reply
  6. Rose says

    November 28, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    I think you may have met your match, Carol. Any squirrel intelligent enough to write poetry is not going to be intimidated by a woman with a hoe:)

    Reply
  7. Dee/reddirtramblings says

    November 28, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Freaky squirrel.~~Dee

    Reply
  8. Mary Murphy says

    November 28, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Hi Carol: My husband and I gave up trying to keep the squirrels away from the bird feeder, so we took it down and for years have scattered wild bird food and bread on the ground in an area of the backyard surrounded with trees and shrubs in which all the birds can take refuge. This has worked very well – the mourning doves, blue jays, cardinals, red-winged blackbirds, sparrows – and even a woodpecker – happily feast every morning and evening, along with six of the chubbiest squirrels in our neck of the woods. Problem solved!

    Reply
  9. Shady Gardener says

    November 28, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    🙂 He definitely has relatives over here!! Too smart for their own good. lol

    Reply
  10. Wife, Mother, Gardener says

    November 28, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Perhaps your squirrel took his notes from these squirrels?

    http://www.earthsunmoon.com/item.php/251

    Good luck. We have flown the white squirrel flag at our house; they are always looking plump.

    Reply
  11. Unknown says

    November 28, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but…we actually raised two abandoned baby squirrels a few years ago. I know, I know…but as much as I love our gardens, we are suckers for abandoned animals. Now, when we see squirrels raiding the bird feeders or biting the heads off my pansies, I quietly fume while the kids are delighted to see their furry friends.

    Reply
  12. Mr. McGregor's Daughter says

    November 28, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Only one squirrel? You don't know when you've got it good. At least your squirrel doesn't pull down the bird feeder & rip it apart. (Sorry, I can't help myself.)

    Reply
  13. Gail says

    November 29, 2011 at 12:29 am

    They can be so clever! His cousins at C and L have eaten their weight in bird seed 100 fold. gail

    Reply
  14. Jess says

    November 29, 2011 at 2:48 am

    oh, lets face it… if we are going all literary, we can sum this up nicely if we resort to bad words: Squirrel, thy name is B*st*rd.

    Reply
  15. Basil Becky says

    November 29, 2011 at 3:28 am

    I love it… My dogs chase the varmits but never win! I am from Columbus In. Now living in KY but loyal IU fans.

    Reply
  16. growingagardenindavis says

    November 30, 2011 at 12:37 am

    Gosh Carol…I've been waiting and waiting for the fairies' poem. I think maybe they were just bragging or something and don't really have a poem…

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

Updates from Carol Michel

* indicates required
Email Preferences

Categories

  • Blog (3,053)
  • Internal (2)

Blog Tags

annuals Blogging books bulbs dr. hortfreud embrace fairies fall family flowers fruits garden bloggers bloom day garden bloggers book club garden design gardeners gardening gardening geek gardens hoes holidays hortense hoelove houseplants humor indoor gardening insects lawn letters to gardening friends perennials rabbits reviews Secrets seeds shrubs spring tools trees vegetable garden vegetable gardening vegetables weather weeding weeds when a gardener wildflower wednesday winter

The Gardenangelists Podcast with Dee Nash

Gardenangelists Podcast

Footer

Gardenangelists Podcast with Dee Nash

Gardenangelists Podcast

Connect

  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube
  • maydreams icon

Quick Links

  • Home
  • Contact
  • Books
  • May Dreams Gardens
  • Podcast

Updates from Carol Michel

* indicates required
Email Preferences

Newsletter Archive

Copyright © 2023 · CarolJMichel.com · Sitemap · Privacy Policy

Book purchase links are affiliate links and Carol earns a small commission if you make a purchase.

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Do not sell my personal information.
Cookie SettingsAccept
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT