Greetings to all members of the Society for the Preservation and Propagation of Old-Time Gardening Wisdom, Lore, and Superstition (SPPOTGWLS or “the Society”)
Once again, we, the Society, have an issue of importance to consider, discuss, and debate while we wait for Spring to win its annual battle with the last huffing and puffing of Old Man Winter. Around here, that could be in the next few days, just in time for Easter.
Goodness, we don’t have much time, so we will dispense with the usual formalities of taking attendance, reading the old minutes from the last Society meeting, and reviewing the treasurer’s report. Trust me, as the self-proclaimed president, secretary and treasurer, when I tell you that all is in order with the Society’s business.
Let’s get right to the issue at hand, shall we?
Fellow members, have you ever noticed that some plants suffer from an identity crisis?
I noticed it when a saw the first blooms of the grape hyacinths (Muscari sp.). “Grape” hyacinth? Clearly these blooms have nothing to do with grapes. Nor do cherry tomatoes have anything to do with cherries. And don’t get me started on banana figs, which aren’t bananas at all!
But much as we are concerned with these plant identity crisis examples, and I’m sure there are more of them, and as much as we would like to help sort them out, we have no time, because we have a greater issue to consider.
It has come to the attention of the Society that some members are at a loss with how to describe themselves as a gardener. They have an identity crisis when pressed to put an adjective in front of “gardener”. No one adjective seems quite right.
“Experienced” creates expectations of omniscience related to all things about gardening and plants. Invariably someone will ask some obscure question and when you don’t know the answer they think “Ah ha! She (he) is not so experienced after all!”
“Old” sounds, well, old.
“New” sounds new. Plus “new” should not be used by any gardener who has gone through at least a complete set of seasons.
“Vegetable”? When you have a vegetable garden, it’s tempting to just call yourself a “vegetable gardener”, but this leaves out everything else that a gardener who grows vegetables is likely to have.
“Master”? Yes, that works for some, but may require an explanation as to how one becomes such a gardener.
“Hoe”? I really don’t think anyone wants to be called a “hoe gardener”.
Other adjectives that come to mind to help gardeners establish a better identity include “avid”, “dirt”, and “organic”. Or you could go with climate descriptors like “tropical”, “cold climate”, and “desert”. Or the type of flower you grow if it is roses or orchids.
But really, gardening is one of the most varied, exciting
obsessions hobbies that one can have, so creating an identity as a gardener with one adjective just may not be possible. Therefore, I hereby will enter into the Society by-laws that gardeners should feel free to use as many adjectives as needed to create a proper identity for themselves.
And as the President, I’ve decided to go first in describing myself as a gardener.
Dang, I wasn’t going to talk about the weather again!
I now turn it over to the members of the Society to signify their attendance at the meeting via a comment and to note how they would identify themselves as a “gardener”.
Humbly submitted by:
Current President, SPPOTGWLS
May Dreams Gardens
P.S. The grape hyacinths have started to bloom, as pictured above.