Do your plants feel like nobody looks at them? Do they miss the sound of voices talking softly about how lovely their blooms are? Does your garden yearn for the soft footsteps of a plant-loving person wandering through and admiring it?

Perhaps you are personally too busy, too tired, or maybe even too anxious to spend time just admiring your garden, enjoying it with a glass of iced tea and a good book? Maybe you are afraid of the bugs and spiders out in your garden? Or maybe you can’t sit down and admire your garden without popping up every few seconds to pull a weed or cut back a dead flower? Maybe you hired out the maintenance… the mulching, the mowing, the trimming back… yet you still find your garden lacking that human touch because no one ever just visits it and admires it.

If this is how you feel, you’ll be delighted to know that I’m introducing a new garden-admiring service!

What is a garden-admiring service?

For a smallish astronomical fee, plus transportation costs, I will come and spend time in your garden. I will admire the flowers and tell them how pretty they are. I will sit under any shade trees, gaze up from my book, and whisper to the leaves how grateful I am that they block the sun from my face.

I will fawn over the flora with spoken words like “lovely,” “charming,” and “delightful.” I will smell the flowers, bringing my nose so close to each bloom that I can feel the tickle of the petals. For an extra fee, I can also “squee” and put my hand to my heart with delight over a particularly beautiful perennial border.

I will wander any garden paths, pausing every few feet to exclaim over the plantings. And if those paths go through vegetable gardens, I can stop to pick and sample anything that looks ripe for the harvest. My specialty is tomatoes, but I can also taste green beans, strawberries, and shelling peas, in season.

And at the end of my visit, I will leave a hand-written note telling you how lovely it was to spend a bit of time in your garden.

How long does a visit last?

Minimum, affordable visits can take me just 15 minutes. Maximum visits are 90 minutes due to popular demand. I also offer a recurring package, which includes an initial visit of 90 minutes, allowing me time to wander and get to know your garden, plus a few minutes to sit and read. This is then followed by periodic visits of 15 minutes for maintenance admiring.

Please note that I do not weed, cut back, harvest, coach, water, prune, fluff, mulch, tidy, dig, hoe, rake, mow, or leave notes on improvements you can make to your garden. I do wander, admire, sit, smell flowers, taste vegetables and fruit in season, and bring my own beverage and book.

Extra fees apply during cold, hot, or rainy weather or if the owner of the garden insists on accompanying me. This service is limited to a brief wander through your garden, followed by time sitting and reading a book, plus that hand-written note telling you how delightful your garden is.

On the fence about this service?

If you think your garden could benefit from a garden-admirer, but you are on the fence or don’t think you can afford my smallish astronomical fee plus transportation costs, I have one final offer, and it’s free! Email me a picture of your garden and I will mail you one handwritten note telling you just how wonderful your garden is. Limited time offer of free, U.S. residents only, until it isn’t! (For gardeners outside the United States, I can offer an emailed hand-written note, suitable for printing at your expense.)

Still can’t believe this is a service?

If you are still in wonder about the need for a garden-admiring service, stay tuned. Soon I’ll be offering training sessions to teach others how to properly admire and enjoy a garden—even their own garden—in a way that benefits everyone… the garden, the gardener, and the visitor!