Post reading instructions!
If you came here looking for the seed giveaway, please check out yesterday’s post.
If you are a less experienced gardener, looking to learn more about gardening, read no further.
If you are an experienced gardener, keep reading for a great idea.
Experienced gardeners… would you like to join me in becoming an Eccentric Gardening Guide (EGG) or Horti-guide? Here’s what you do…
As an EGG (Horti-guide), invite a Less Experienced Gardener (LEG) to your garden for a day or two or a week or until you are satisfied that
all the work is done they have learned some of your tips and tricks of gardening.
Suggested activities that you as an EGG (Horti-guide) might engage your LEG in include:
Compost turning – As soon as your LEG arrives, hand them a pitchfork and show them how to turn a compost pile and then step back and observe as they turn your compost piles.
Compost harvesting – Once the LEG has conquered compost turning, they can move up to compost harvesting, how to scoop that good compost on to a compost sieve and work it through to reveal that black gold that’s been waiting all season to be harvested. I guarantee they will be wide-eyed with amazement at the richness that lies beneath all that garden refuse.
Mulching – The LEG will no doubt benefit from lessons about how to scoop up that mulch from the pile in your driveway or straight off the truck. You, the EGG (Horti-guide), can teach them how to maximize the load in the wheelbarrow while keeping it balanced so it doesn’t inadvertently tip over. Then you can show them how to carefully spread the mulch around the tender plants. Then it is practice time! Practice is an important part of the LEG’s education, necessary to allow them to one day become an EGG (Horti-guide) themselves. Let the LEG practice until the mulching is done.
Weed pulling – The LEG may balk at weeding, concerned they don’t know weeds from good plants. They also might be suspicious that you are just trying to get them to do the weeding in your garden. No matter – don’t let them skip this valuable lesson. Use your EGG (Horti-guide) stick, which can be an old hoe, to patiently point out weeds as the LEG kneels nearby weeding.
Once your LEG has finished compost turning and harvesting, mulching, and weed pulling you can move on to more advanced lessons, including hoeing, edging, digging, and mowing. But don’t let the LEG go on to the advanced lessons until
these tasks their first lessons are finished. There are no short cuts on the path to becoming an EGG (Horti-guide) themselves.
Now, to be a good EGG (Horti-guide), you need to dress and act the part. Put on your best wide brim hat, greenest gardening t-shirt, those gardening pants still stained from the sap of the Amsonia. Strap on your Felco pruners in a holster and slip on your nicest gardening clogs. Speak lots of Hortish, and translate it for the LEG when necessary.
Then don’t forget, and this is very important — grab your best most well-worn gardening gloves to show the LEG that you have done all that you are asking them to do. If they start to ask questions, deny that this is all some clever scheme you’ve come up with to get them to do the work in your garden.
Good luck, EGGs, and you LEGs who ignored the instructions at the beginning of this post and read this far, forget you saw this! Find an EGG and beg them to be your Horti-guide.