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Award winner author of gardening humor books

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May Dreams Gardens

A Gardener’s Guide to Talking to Santa Claus

December 3, 2010 By Carol Michel 21 Comments

You know you need to do it, you want to do it. You are biding your time, waiting for a day when the kids are in school, waiting for a moment to present itself when he is all alone.

When that moment happens, don’t blow it. Be ready. Be prepared. You don’t want to rush, to appear greedy, as though this is all about you.

You want to speak clearly, make your needs and wants and deepest desires known so that your holidays are not marred by a blown opportunity.

In that spirit, I present…

A Gardener’s Guide to Talking to Santa Claus

Plan ahead. Write down what it is you want so you don’t forget when it is your turn to do the asking.

Be specific. If you really, honestly, unequivocally want a pile of mulch for Christmas, make sure to specify what kind, how much and perhaps most importantly, when you want it delivered. Explain to Santa that while you want the mulch, you would like him to deliver it in April or May. After all, you don’t want to be the one who grounded his sleigh on Christmas Eve because you wanted a couple of tons of compost!

Ask for tools. Don’t be a fool! Christmas is the perfect time to ask for gardening tools. Some are even small enough to hide under the tree. May I suggest Felco pruners if you don’t already have a pair, a Hoe*Dag made in Idaho or perhaps a Cobrahead hand weeder? Maybe some Jollys garden shoes?

Remember the seasons. As we all know, Santa comes just as winter takes a firm grip on the garden so be careful asking for plants, seeds, and bulbs that are best acquired in spring, summer, or fall. If you really, really want them, ask Santa for coupons for them and an iron-clad guarantee that he’ll provide them at the appropriate time.

Consider others. It is just as good to give as it is to receive, so offer Santa Claus some ideas of what other gardeners might like or what he might get for some of his elves.

Skip the jokes. Santa has heard all the “hoe hoe hoe” jokes already. Trust me, he has.

Inquire after the Christmas Cottontail. Ask how the elves and reindeers and Mrs. Claus are doing, too. Santa appreciates people being concerned for his well-being and the well-being of those close to him.

Give Santa a gift from your garden. If you have some good jams, jellies, or other preserves made from the produce of your own garden, you might take Santa some, not as a bribe, but as a gift. He looks like he likes good food. Others on your list might also like something from your garden or for their garden.

In fact, give all gardening related gifts this year! ‘Tis the season, spread the love of gardening!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: a gardener's guide, gardening, holidays, humor

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. helen Yoest @ Gardening With Confidence says

    December 3, 2010 at 2:03 am

    OK, I have my list. Thanks for the advice on the Santa jokes…I guess it's hard to be original with hoe, hoe, hoe. No matter how you arrange them, it comes out the same ;~

    Reply
  2. Dee @ Red Dirt Ramblings says

    December 3, 2010 at 2:56 am

    Good idea to give a gift to the big man too. Merry Advent.~~Dee

    Reply
  3. David Perry says

    December 3, 2010 at 3:33 am

    Picture me grinning. Thanks for the fun . . .

    Reply
  4. Liza says

    December 3, 2010 at 3:36 am

    Haha, you're funny! I love garden gifts, too. Thanks, fellow Hoosier (I'm technically not one anymore, but 20+ years there in my formative years means I will always be a Hoosier at heart – I don't care what anyone says, midwesterners are awesome!).

    Reply
  5. Pam's English Garden says

    December 3, 2010 at 4:04 am

    Dear Carol, I like the 'be specific' advice. I've been dropping hints but it isn't enough is it? Pamela x

    Reply
  6. Lisa at Greenbow says

    December 3, 2010 at 10:51 am

    Excellent advice for talking with Santa Baby, I mean Santa Claus.

    Reply
  7. Anonymous says

    December 3, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Santa Baby, Lisa is funny! All good ideas, Carol, but no mention of those cookies and milk, including the carrot for Rudolf on Christmas Eve. Good idea or bad idea? I am making my list now, and checking it twice. 🙂
    Frances

    Reply
  8. Anonymous says

    December 3, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    I find if you come right out and ask for gifts like detail the car or paint the bathroom sometimes they actually get done. I will have to think of some similar garden oriented gifts. Funny post, Carolyn

    Reply
  9. Commonweeder says

    December 3, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    You are endlessly wise. And it is wisdom to remember Santa's needs and desires at this time of year too. Consideration doesn't have to end with cookies and milk.

    Reply
  10. Rose says

    December 3, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    I can just see you greeting everyone this time of year with your favorite "hoe, hoe, hoe," Carol:)

    I'm not taking any chances this year–most of my family just isn't into gardening and usually ignores my gift suggestions. So I'm headed to my favorite nursery's open house tomorrow–they're tacking on an extra 20% to every gift certificate. Now I just have to figure out how much Santa can afford to give me:)

    Reply
  11. Susie says

    December 3, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    Too funny!!!

    Reply
  12. Unknown says

    December 3, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Thank you for the advice, I will be ready for Santa Claus.
    Hoe, Hoe, Hoe !!!!!

    Reply
  13. Mr. McGregor's Daughter says

    December 3, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    Dang, I really wanted to spring one of those "Hoe, hoe, hoe" jokes. ;^)

    Reply
  14. Unknown says

    December 3, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Hilarious! I was daydreaming earlier of the gardening gifts I want to add to my Christmas wish list. One of the best gifts I received under the tree was my coveted Felco #2's! Great post!

    Reply
  15. Anonymous says

    December 3, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    So funny and give Santa some jam. After all the toys will be all sticky soon enough anyway.

    Reply
  16. irvin says

    December 4, 2010 at 3:50 am

    Another great post Carol. You are good. And consistent.

    Reply
  17. Lydia says

    December 4, 2010 at 6:07 am

    Oh, and if you send Mr. Santa your list, make sure you send it to his most recent email address or even Mrs. Claus might find out her list went to the spam folder (oye vey).

    Reply
  18. Robbie @ Going Green Mama says

    December 4, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Dang, I needed this list last night. Hopefully Santa will pull through. 🙂

    Reply
  19. Ivynettle says

    December 4, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    It's kind of odd to see Felco pruners recommended by someone on the other side of the world from me. When I started my apprenticeship, I was told that these were the only pruners worth anything, and never to show up at vocational school with any other brand – I'd be laughed at. But I had no idea they were known across the Pond, too.

    Reply
  20. growingagardenindavis says

    December 4, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    Wonderful suggestions Carol! I sit Santa who has heard too many hoe hoe hoe jokes…or the diva of hoes?

    Reply
  21. ennuideluxe says

    December 9, 2010 at 3:56 am

    Wonderful! I think I'm going to link Santa to this blog post right now… 😉

    Reply

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