To: Drought of 2012
May Dreams Gardens
Dear Drought of 2012,
Please consider this letter your notice of eviction from May Dreams Gardens. You are hereby and forthwith ordered to vacate the premises immediately upon receipt of this letter and leave behind any substance that is made up of two hydrogen molecules and an oxygen molecule, including moisture, rainfall, dew, and any other types of precipitation that may fall on the garden at any time now and in the future.
You are commanded to take with you all above normal temperatures.
This notice of eviction is rightly and fairly given due to your withholding of all rain and other forms of precipitation due in June and July 2012, when in fact you owed 4.13 inches for June and 4.42 inches for July for a total deficit of 8.53 inches for just those two months alone.
In addition, you made a complete mess of the gardens, evidence of which is attached in Exhibit A.
Though our client recognizes that you provided two inches of rain as recently as August 5th, this does not make up for the heartache and distress you have caused nor is it evidence of any intent to reform your behavior in future months.
On behalf of our client, we request that you leave the gardens in an orderly fashion so as to cause no further disturbance in the gardens or in the heart of the gardener by any means including wind, heat, etc.
Should you not vacate May Dreams Gardens as requested, you will be forcibly removed at your own risk and cost.
Yes, Dr. Hortfreud.
What are you doing?
Evicting the drought from my garden with a letter from my attorneys.
Carol, do you really think that’s going to help?
What could it hurt, Dr. Hortfreud? Nothing else has worked to cause it to rain. Yes, I know it rained on Sunday but experts predict this drought could hang around until October. I want it to leave now so I can reclaim my garden.
I suppose it couldn’t hurt and if it makes you feel better, go for it.
Thank you for your support, Dr. Hortfreud. I feel better already knowing that I’m not just sitting around letting the drought push me around any more. I’m taking action!