I’m sending my houseplants to Club Hort for the summer

Not houseplants, just cut flowers from my garden

I am sending my houseplants to Club Hort for the summer.

Normally, they stay in the sunroom and never leave for anything.

But not this year. This year almost all of them are heading to Club Hort, an exclusive all-inclusive resort, where they will enjoy the finest of immentities for most of the summer.

Upon arrival at Club Hort, which is not too far from the sunroom they live in, they will receive an updated wardrobe in the form of a top dressing of the best potting mix money can buy. It’s labeled “professional”, so we know it is the best.

Following that, they’ll receive a shower of the purest water from the outdoor spigot to remove the dust, grime, and dander they’ve accumulated after months, if not years, indoors.

Then on a regular basis, they will dine on a fine diet of organic nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium mixed with occasional micronutrients.  On some days, they will drink the wettest rain water the sky can deliver to them. I’m sure they will enjoy the rain, but I hope it doesn’t spoil them as they will be  getting only tap water once they return home.

Throughout their stay, they will be enrolled in daily exercise classes, primarily involving an exercise we call “swaying in the wind”.  To really build up their strength, somedays we’ll feature a more aerobic exercise called “blowing in the wind”.

Their luxurious accomodations will be primarily in the shade, with glimpses of dappled sunlight.  I hope they don’t get any leaf burn.  For a more festive environment, I’m even going to replace the pump on the nearby fountain so that at night they can be lulled to sleep by the soft sounds of water splashing happily from the sides of the fountain into the main bowl.

Then, prior to their return from Club Hort to the sunroom,  each plant will receive a thorough cleaning, which will include a vigorous scrubbing of both the inside and outside of their pots. Once again, their roots will be clothed with the best potting mix money can buy, because it is labeled professional.

Some of the plants are a bit apprehensive about their upcoming stay at Club Hort.  Many have been in the sunroom for so long they’ve forgotten what it is like to be outside.  Others are just afraid, in general, of having to share their pots with spiders, bugs, and the like who may take up residence with them.

But I’ve assured them all that the change of scenery, the fresh air, the better light, the exercise, the regular watering and feeding, will be good for them.  When they return, well before the first frost, they will be bigger, stronger, and overall healthier.

Club Hort. It’s what every houseplant needs once in a while.