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Award winner author of gardening humor books

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May Dreams Gardens

A Gardener’s Guide to “Quantities”

October 26, 2009 By Carol Michel 37 Comments

I thought it might be helpful to provide a gardener’s guide to “quantities” to help new gardeners speak the language of gardeners with more confidence.

Here are six ways gardeners describe “quantities” and what they mean.

A couple

When a gardeners say they want to get “a couple of” fill-in-the-blank, as in “I think I’d like to get a couple loads of topsoil”, this actually means that they would like to have upwards of eight loads of topsoil or some other quantity that is well more than two. By the way, two is generally not a number that most gardeners understand in buying anything gardening related, especially plants. We are always told to plant in three’s, and two is never enough to do that.

Not too many and not very many

When a gardener says “not too many” in response to someone asking her how many of something she bought, such as flats of annuals, this actually means that she bought one less than she really wanted to buy but way more than any non-gardener could even imagine, but she thinks she can handle the quantity she bought. The same applies to buying not too many seeds, not too many bulbs, not too many hoes, or not too many gardening magazines. Note, “not very many” is often used instead of “not too many” and is in fact often preferred because it implies a lesser quantity but may in fact be the same amount as “not too many”. It’s a subtle difference to keep in mind.

A few

What a gardeners say “a few”, in reply to a question like “how many bulbs did you buy”, they deliberately leave off a vital piece of information, “the what”, because a vague answer takes far less explaining than “a few dozen” or “a few hundred”. So keep in mind that “a few” always refer to another larger quantity amount like a dozen, a hundred or even a thousand.

Not as many as I wanted to get.

We all know that “not as many as I wanted to get” generally refers to a quantity that most non-gardeners would not understand so again, most gardeners make no attempt to further explain it. For example, if a gardener runs into a big sale at the garden center and there are, say, seven plants available, she will want all seven, but will just buy six… see above about three being the lower limit for plant purchases. Then when asked how many she bought, the correct answer is “not as many as I wanted to get”.

A little and not that big

When gardeners say, “a little” as in “I think I’ll enlarge this flower bed just a little”, it generally means that they are going to double the size of it. And double the size often means triple the size of it or increase the size of it until some natural or unnatural barrier, like a property line or fence, stops them.

If asked how big they are going to make a new flower bed, most gardeners will reply with “not that big” which means that they are pretty sure they can dig it up themselves without renting a backhoe, but it is entirely possible that once they get started, they may have to get a backhoe to finish the job.

I hope this was helpful to those who are trying to learn the language of gardeners to become better gardeners themselves. The more we understand, the better we garden, right?

And yes, there are some advanced quantity definitions not included above such as “a good start”, “I didn’t get all of them”, and “look, over there, isn’t that an ice cream truck”, but we’ll save those for another time.

(A special note to new gardeners: Welcome to the club. We trust you with this information! It goes without saying, please do not share these definitions with non-gardeners because it would just confuse them and many of them would simply not understand.)

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: humor, language of gardeners

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Diana says

    October 26, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    Oh, Carol, so you mean I bought a few daffodil bulbs, but not too many or more than I can handle? And I'm planning to fill in a little space with them? Is that what you mean? BTW – you are giving away ALL our secrets!!! Great post.

    Reply
  2. Unknown says

    October 26, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    You make me laugh. Out loud, even. Just a little.

    Reply
  3. Cindy, MCOK says

    October 26, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    I tend to buy in quantities of "not as many as I could have" or "I left SOME for other people". !!!

    Reply
  4. Kathy says

    October 27, 2009 at 12:07 am

    I thought people had to be initiated into "The Society" before they learned this stuff!

    Reply
  5. David Perry says

    October 27, 2009 at 12:18 am

    I feel as if I've just been 'outed'.

    Reply
  6. Susan says

    October 27, 2009 at 12:24 am

    you said one has to stop expanding the garden due to pesky things like property lines. Not me–the vegetable garden goes well over into the neighbor's field (with persmission). It helps to live out in the country. However, I do plant perennials on MY side of the line!

    Reply
  7. heather @ what's blooming this week says

    October 27, 2009 at 12:27 am

    Too cute – one thing I know is there's "never enough" of your stories.

    Reply
  8. Sunita Mohan says

    October 27, 2009 at 1:13 am

    You forgot "just a bit" as in "I'm going out to do just a bit of gardening". Nothing much, just maybe as long as daylight lasts and till the mossies start attacking.

    Reply
  9. janie says

    October 27, 2009 at 1:40 am

    This is so funny, and so true!

    Reply
  10. Mary Delle LeBeau says

    October 27, 2009 at 1:41 am

    All just what the outsiders need to understand. Now if I could just get my fiancee to understand these things.

    Reply
  11. Lisa at Greenbow says

    October 27, 2009 at 1:49 am

    ROFL…This is a good one Carol.

    Reply
  12. Mr. McGregor's Daughter says

    October 27, 2009 at 1:50 am

    And then there's my personal favorite "I'll be right in," which actually means in an hour or two.

    Reply
  13. JennyP says

    October 27, 2009 at 2:04 am

    Oh my gosh that was hilarious! I once bought a 60-gallon Texas Sabal to plant and when asked by my guy how big it was before he went to pick it up, I said, "Well, it's a good size but it's not too big. You and the guys can totally handle it." It's been three months and they still hate me.

    Reply
  14. Erin @ The Impatient Gardener says

    October 27, 2009 at 2:12 am

    Probably my favorite post of yours yet. All so true. If my husband read it he'd be shaking his head!

    Reply
  15. Sweet Home and Garden Carolina says

    October 27, 2009 at 2:55 am

    Whoa! I think you just gave away the best kept language of gardeners everywhere , Carol. As it is I have to sneak in a few new plants every so often , even though I'm confronted with " you don't have room for one more plant. " Ha ! They didn't see that empty spot in the corner.

    And when I hear new gardeners brag that they've planted over a hundred bulbs I'm thinking Honey that won't even make a dint.

    I know you meant to be helful to new gardeners, Carol, but they need to go down the garden path that we have before they can comprehend quanties and what they mean.

    Reply
  16. Pam/Digging says

    October 27, 2009 at 3:29 am

    Ha! I'm still trying to finish enlarging a bed "just a little" and think I can get it done without a backhoe. But then again…

    Reply
  17. growingagardenindavis says

    October 27, 2009 at 4:15 am

    I enlarged my front garden beds just a little a couple times and now the lawn is gone. There is also the "I'm just going to putter around a bit" that I say when due to some injury or other I'm supposed to take it easy…but some crucial task needs doing and I'll be darned if a sore back, knee or shoulder will prevent it happening.

    Reply
  18. Darla says

    October 27, 2009 at 9:43 am

    I am getting ready to enlarge my full sun garden 'just a little' for the 'few' seed packets I will be purchasing for the spring.

    Reply
  19. Anonymous says

    October 27, 2009 at 11:11 am

    HA Carol, backhoes are our friends! Don't forget, one more thing, as in I will come in a fix dinner after I do this one more thing. One is a relative number, er quantity. Loved this, as always, my dear. 🙂
    Frances

    Reply
  20. Gail says

    October 27, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    So funny and so true…soon I'll have to plant a few bulbs! gail

    Reply
  21. carolee says

    October 27, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    I had a garden visitor Saturday who in passing stated "I planted a few varieties of tomatoes this year." Knowing my variable definition of "few" I probbed, and she finally admitted to growing 95 kinds! She said she'd plant a "few less" next year, but wouldn't commit to a number until she sees a 'few" new catalogs she's sent for!

    Reply
  22. Commonweeder says

    October 27, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    I agree. Never enough. I love these posts so much Carol. You are a total delight.

    Reply
  23. Emilie says

    October 27, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    I completely agree never say how many bulbs one plants to a none flower gardener When I revealed the number to a friend which was too little for me. My friend could not believe it and just shook her head not understanding that one never has enough

    Reply
  24. Unknown says

    October 27, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    Excellant. Yup, its all true.

    Reply
  25. Debra Howard says

    October 27, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    LoL I think I will be chuckling about that one for quite some time and every time I use one of those terms. So true!
    Debbie

    Reply
  26. Carol Michel says

    October 27, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    Thank you all for the great comments! I'm glad this rang true with so many of you. Watch for a future post on "space and time". And who knows what else!

    Reply
  27. Chloe m says

    October 27, 2009 at 11:43 pm

    You are a riot! I totally get you. My husband needs to read this. But he wouldn't understand probably.
    I think you hit the nail on the head with this post.
    Rosey

    Reply
  28. Zach says

    October 27, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    Oh, that is really funny. I was reading it to my mom, who was in the room, both of us are gardeners. And we both just laughed and laughed though out the whole post. I would really like to put a link to this post on my blog… do you mind?

    Reply
  29. Wendy says

    October 28, 2009 at 2:00 am

    This is hilarious – and something every gardener can relate to!!

    Reply
  30. Anonymous says

    October 28, 2009 at 10:28 am

    First I read "time" post and now this one – its all very true!

    Have you noticed that we dont use word "enough" when describing quanities?

    Reply
  31. healingmagichands says

    October 28, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    "Look over there, an ice cream truck!" made me laugh out loud. I need to put that one in the repertoire for sure.

    Reply
  32. Corner Gardener Sue says

    October 29, 2009 at 3:12 am

    Thanks for the laughs!

    Reply
  33. Catherine@AGardenerinProgress says

    October 29, 2009 at 4:19 am

    These are great. I use the "not too many" quantity when explaining how many plants I bought to my husband who thinks we don't have a need for any more plants.

    Reply
  34. appliances says

    October 29, 2009 at 10:53 am

    Wow!! This is so funny.. thanks for the laughs!

    Reply
  35. Jan says

    October 29, 2009 at 11:23 am

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  36. Chookie says

    October 31, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Just writing to confirm that these definitions are international and will be readily understood by Aussie gardeners!

    Reply
  37. gina says

    December 28, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    randomly came across your blog today. I love your explanation of quantities. Although, I always thought we were suppose to plant with odd numbers, 3,5,7,9– never even numbers. All this time, I've been confused. 😉

    Reply

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