The Optimist and The Pessimist

Two houseplants just got put out on the patio to spend the rest of the summer in plant rehab. We’ll call one plant “Purple Leaf” and the other “Ivy”.  Let’s listen in as they discuss their situation. 

Purple Leaf:  Oh, look! Look!  We are outside. Isn’t it wonderful to see the sun like this and not through a window?

Ivy:  Are you kidding me? I’m going to burn up here. It’s so bright. I want to go back inside. Who’s in charge here?

Purple Leaf:  Relax, Ivy.  With all this nice sun we are sure to grow some big leaves now.  I’ve noticed your leaves have been getting smaller lately.  You could use some more chlorophyll.

Ivy:  Well, okay. Maybe the extra sun will be nice, but geez, I’m drying up out here. We are going to need way more water than that slop of water we get once a week inside, if we are lucky, that is.

Purple Leaf:  Didn’t you notice, Ivy?  The plants out here get watered nearly every day.

Ivy:  I knew it, I’m going to drown.

Purple Leaf:  No, Ivy. You won’t drown. You’ll be just fine.  Oh look here she comes now with the water.  I just love when I get watered so much it comes rushing out the bottom holes of my pot.

Ivy:  Speaking of pots, I could use a new one here, and some new soil, too. Do you know how long I’ve been in this container? And how old the soil is around my roots? It’s been so long, it’s just gross.

Purple Leaf:  I think we are going to get new pots, and new soil, too. Look, there’s a big bag of it over there. That has to be for us. I think I’d look wonderful in a dark green pot, don’t you?

Ivy: If you say so. Hey, aren’t we going to end up with a bunch of spiders and pill bugs moving in on us out here.  Ick. Bugs. I hate bugs.

Purple Leaf:  Relax.  I’m sure she’ll give us all new soil before we move back in later this fall. She doesn’t want us to bring in bugs and spiders, either. You really do need to stop worrying and relax. Please try to enjoy this outside treatment.

Ivy:  Fall? Did you say fall? We aren’t going back inside until fall? That’s kind of late for us to be out here, isn’t it? What if there’s an early frost and she’s late bringing us inside. It will kill us.  I need to go inside and lie down now. Help! Take me back inside!

Purple Leaf:  Oh for heaven’s sake.  Just stay put. 

Ivy:  Very funny, where do you think I’m going to go, anyway? I’m as rooted as you are.

Purple Leaf:  Well, then, be quiet. I’m trying to take advantage of this time outside to put out some new leaves. I mean, really, we are a sad couple of houseplants. We are so sad looking she won’t even post a picture of us. Instead, she posted a picture of one of our neighboring plants, a canna. Just look how pretty it is over there. Yoo-hoo, Canna. Over here. We are new here.  Can you tell us when we’ll get some fertilizer?

Ivy: Oh, I assumed we didn’t get our pictures posted because of privacy laws. We are under treatment, after all, so she really shouldn’t post our pictures. Though for the life of me I cannot imagine why we are trusting her with our treatment. She’s the one who has been so neglectful for all these years.

Purple Leaf:  Bygones! That was then and this is now and isn’t it a glorious day out here?

Ivy:  If you like sun and all that,  I guess it is. But isn’t that a storm cloud over there?

Purple Leaf:  Oh yes, and I love rain water. It really is the best for our treatment, after all…